


Waking Nightmare

by AceSparkleGirl



Series: Waking Nightmare [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2308475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceSparkleGirl/pseuds/AceSparkleGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you hadn't been there for her, but you could be there for her family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waking Nightmare

“ _I_ heard that it was a suicide.”

“Really? _I_ heard someone _pushed_ her.”

Words. Rumors, really. Bullshit lies that circulated around you no matter where you were.

It’s been a week, maybe more; you don’t know anymore. God knows that you’ve stopped caring. Time has stopped moving. Things that _used_ to matter haven’t since _that_ night that…

Your train of thought broke, the heels of your palms pressing against your eyes, trying to rub the sleep from them. You look into the mirror in front of you, and groan.

Terezi would be disappointed in you.

Even if there wasn’t much you were sure of any longer, you _knew_ that. You’d been losing sleep, staying inside your house, avoiding outside contact… Well, more so than usual. The only thing that has stopped you from drinking yourself into a drunken stupor is the fact that _Terezi_ … Terezi _had_ …

“ _Fuck_ ,” you muttered at yourself in the mirror.

You rubbed at your eyes again, staring at the reflection in front of you. His eyes sunken with his lack of sleep, hair messy. You watch as he runs a hand through his hair, and it doesn’t look like you.  You examine your disheveled appearance and decide you’re positive about one thing.

You are _not_ fit to attend a memorial service. Under no circumstances could you possibly show up at the address that Latula had given you and look like a somewhat decent person. You look like you haven’t slept in a damn week; granted, you actually _haven’t_ , and you’re not too sure you could bring yourself to speak to the family of the girl who is dead because of _you_.

“Dammit!”

But you already said you would. You had already made the promise and now you can’t back out. You’d already hurt them so much, the least you can do it pay your respects. The least you can do is say goodbye.

When you finally pull your eyes away from the mirror, you take a glance to your clock. It’s 8:38, nearly ten minutes since you’d been jarred awake from yet another nightmare. You sigh, running a hand through your hair as you start on your way towards your bathroom.

Showers used to be quick for you. Long enough to wash your hair, rinse off, the usual things that were routine to everyone. Lately they’ve fallen into a time to stand under the constant stream of water, thinking. A time when you let the hot water fall over yourself, feeling warm for the first time in such a long time. Today was no exception.

 

You _miss_ her.

 

It was another twenty minutes before you emerged from the bathroom, towel around your waist. Every inch of your being wanted to lay back down and try to sleep, but you couldn’t do that. You’d made a promise. Sighing, you make your way over to the closet, grabbing your suit. Looking at it for a moment, you go back to your bathroom, suit and boxers in tow. Pulling the outfit on took a while; you were used to having help, but you were on your own now. That was something you’d have to get used to.

On top of struggling with the suit, there was not an idea in your mind how the hell you could manage to get your tie on. Holding the fabric in your grip, your eyes trailed over the red fabric, remembering the day Terezi had bought it for you. She’d so eagerly told you that Latula had said that it was such a pretty shade of red. Out of all of the others Latula told her about, this one was Terezi’s favorite. You couldn’t tie it for the life of you, she always helped. She had always made fun of you for needing a _blind_ girl’s help. She had _always_.

You swallow hard, pinching the bridge of your nose. Your other hand is pressed against the countertop in attempt to steady yourself, but it doesn’t help. There was nothing about you that was or would be okay, and there was _nothing_ that could make things better. You’d given up on feeling like yourself anymore. You didn’t know if you would ever feel like yourself without her there.

Drawing in a shaky breath, you stand straight, looking in the mirror. You’d managed to clean yourself up enough to not look like a corpse. _Fuck_ , that was the wrong thing to think. You swallow and fix your tie one last time. You flicked the lights off, grabbed your keys and phone, slipped on your shoes and head downstairs to exit the comfort of your house.

Getting into your car had never been such a painstakingly awful task. As soon as your keys pressed into the ignition and you turned it, you felt as though you’d lost use of your hands. Convincing yourself that this would be alright once you got going, you turned your radio on, pulling out of the driveway. Shooting a quick glance to your dashboard for a time check, you were assured that you’d be able to get there in time. Drawing in a sharp breath, you started on your way.

The road to the funeral home wasn’t a complicated one; you knew exactly where you’d be headed. You pass landmarks and nothing in between, only seeing things when the lights turned red. On the way to your destination, you had to pass that ancient apartment complex that you just _couldn’t_ recall the name of. Your car comes to a smooth halt and old nightmares swim before your eyes, threatening to take you over. They felt so _real_ , how could they just be dreams? You could feel your stomach turn, grip tightening around the wheel. The building was nothing but a constant reminder of your failure, of the biggest mistake you’d ever made in your life. All at once, you know that don’t want to go into this place. You _can’t_ go. This was all your fault. If it wasn’t for you, Latula wouldn’t be saying goodbye to her baby sister. If it wasn’t for you, Terezi would still be alive, laughing at you with her sharp teeth and wide grin.

Everything in your right mind told you to turn back now. Just leave your route, go home, and tell Latula you’d gotten sick. It would be a lie, and she would know, and you knew that she would know, but maybe it would be for the better. Anything had to be better than facing the family of the girl who you had loved so much; the girl who’d you let die. The girl whose last words to you would haunt you for the rest of your life.

_“Please don’t leave me.”_

Your train of thought was broken, coming out of your own world as you heard a honk of a horn behind you and saw the green light ahead. Slipping a hand out the window, you flipped off whoever was behind you, wiping your eyes before you continued on your way to the funeral home.

Before long, your eyes have settled on the sign for your destination, and you pulled into the parking lot beside the only two cars that were currently there. One you knew belonged Latula’s, the other you could only assume to be Mr. and Mrs. Pyrope’s. Pulling your keys out of the ignition, you went still in your seat, bring a hand up stiffly to run through your hair. There was no way you could chicken out of this now, that much you knew. After a moment of sitting in silence, you open your car door and slip out. It feels unreal as you step from your car and wander to the entrance.

When you reach the doors, you open them slowly. A gust of cold wind from the heavy air conditioning hits you in the face. Taking a deep breath, you started over to the room with Terezi’s name on the plaque beside it. As soon as you entered the archway, your searching gaze was met with Latula’s. She spotted you immediately, her eyes widening as she made her way over to you. Before you can get a word in, you feel a pressure around your chest. You glance down and see Latula’s arms tight around you, her face buried in your shoulder. You opened your mouth to speak, but you weren’t fast enough.

“I’m really glad you showed up.” Her voice was uncharacteristically soft, and it made your stomach flip.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” you whispered back, arms hesitantly wrapping around her in return. As soon as she felt your arms around her, she took it as invitation, her grip on you increasing as her face buried further into your shoulder. Your mouth was open for a moment before you realized what was going on, and you promptly shut it.

She was crying.

You could feel your shoulder damp with her tears, silent sobs racking her relatively fragile frame. Your arms tighten around her, one hand pressing into her hair, and you close your eyes for just a moment... And for that moment, you imagine it’s Terezi you’re comforting; for that moment you pretend everything’s going to be okay.

However, that moment is gone in a matter of seconds when you’re brought back to reality. This isn’t Terezi in your arms, everything is wrong. Terezi wasn’t this small, her hair was shorter, she sounded different when she cried. Terezi is dead, and she’s dead because of you. You feel the slender frame of the older Pyrope separate from your body after a minute and you allow your arms to fall down. You watched her as she wiped her eyes, offering you a weak sort of smile. You’d forced yourself to smile back, even though it’s weak and sad, and it feels _wrong._

Clearing her throat, Latula presses her lips together for a second, looking to you.

“Wanna look at the pictures?”

You almost shake your head, but you nod stiffly, allowing the older girl to lead you over to a few poster boards leaned on stands against the wall. Eyes tracing over each photo, you notice your vision blurring, heart feeling like it was in your throat. Pictures of Terezi, of Latula and Terezi, Terezi and her mom. Terezi and _you_. Wiping a hand across your eyes, you feel a hand against your back, and you look down to see Latula.

“They used good pictures, huh?” she whispered, and you nodded again, not quite trusting yourself to speak. Latula moved closer beside you, studying the pictures as well.

“She always looked happiest when she was with you, didn’t she?”

You froze, tears filling your eyes. You clench your jaw, feeling a certain tightness in your throat.

“Y-Yeah, I guess so...” you managed, feeling Latula take your hand.

“Com’mon, Kat.” she murmurs, giving you a gentle tug. Shaken slightly, you nod, following after her. You were alright until you realized just where you were being led.

At the front of the neighboring room, a dark red casket sat on a pedestal sort of stage. It was closed, and some part of you was glad; yet another part of you wondered how she looked now. You wondered if her ginger colored hair was styled how she normally did it; mostly straight, a slight flip outwards where it curled. You wondered if they’d put on her favorite red lipstick.

You wondered if she forgave you.

Feeling yourself being tugged along, you look to her, noticing the concerned expression across her face.

“Y’alright?”

You replied with a stiff nod. “Can we... sit down?” Latula nods and you take a seat on a couch by the wall, trying to calm yourself down

“It’s gonna be alright.”

Her words didn’t ease your nerves. You should be the one comforting her. It should be your voice saying those words.

“I know.” A lie.

It didn’t take long for you to decide that you’d stay here for the rest of the time you were here. Latula was beside you for a while before her boyfriend showed up, and she went to sit with him. You could hear everyone around you talking. Crying. Some of them were laughing sadly as they tried to remember good times. Every once in a while, someone you’d never even seen before would come up to you and give you a gentle hug, telling you they’re sorry.

But you were the one who should be apologizing.

 

After what must have been at least two hours, you’re not quite sure, time just blended together as people wandered past. They looked like blurs of color, or maybe those were just tears clouding your vision. Latula returned to your side eventually, though. You’d been fading in and out of conscious thought, trying to avoid remembering the fact that you were in the same room as Terezi’s body. When you felt the shift of weight beside you, you straightened up, going to speak. But it was Latula who spoke first.

“Hey.”

You echoed her greeting, eyes tracing her expression for any sign of anger, as if you were afraid she was going to place some sort of blame on you. What if she _knew_ what you did?

“How’re you holding up, Kat?”

You shrugged a bit, pressing your lips together. “I’m... alright. You? Where’s Mituna?”

“Had to go home.” she answered simply, shoulder rising in a half shrug. “I’m... I’m doing better, I guess.” she laughed  softly. “As okay as I can be, right?”

A nod from your end gave her the conformation she was asking for, and a silence came across both of you.

“Karkat?”

You straightened up once again, looking to the woman beside you. “...Yeah?”

“....You wanna go up?”

Your breath caught in your throat and you looked at her for a moment.

“I… what?”  
“Go up. To the casket.” she murmured, reaching down to your hand. You flinched slightly, hand moving imperceptibly under hers.

“I-I mean, you don’t _have_ to, Karkat, I just thought....”

Your voice was lost in your throat for a moment more. She didn’t want to go up alone, but you couldn’t bring yourself to face this.

“Karkat?”

“N-No, it’s fine, I’ll... come on, let’s go.” you manage to whisper. She nodded slowly standing up, giving your hand a gentle tug. You stand beside her, and she begins to lead you again, this time to the front of the room. To Terezi.

Latula knelt down, and you take her lead, as you’ve done thus far today, and you kneel beside her.

And that’s when you lost it.

Your hands wrapped around the bar in front of you, trying to keep your balance as your breath hitched, your face heating up. Throat tight, you feel just like you did on that night. You feel yourself _breaking_. Latula must’ve noticed it, because you hear her voice next to you, even though it sounds so far away.

“Hey, you okay, Kar?”

Your response was almost immediate, a soft, whispered “no.” You couldn’t take this, you couldn’t be here. Not right now. Before you could stop to collect yourself, you shakily get to your feet, moving swiftly to the exit of the building, pushing gently past small groups of people. It felt like you were under water, everything felt thick and you had to push your way through the air just to make it out. You heard Latula call out your name, but it was nothing but a whisper as you let the door swing shut. Everything moved so slowly but then all at once, you were outside.

Taking a deep breath in, you try to put yourself to some level of actual controllability. Looking around, your eyes meet the curb and you make your way over to it, slowly sinking down, your elbows pressed against your knees, your face burying itself in your hands.

You never should never have come. You wouldn’t have even hurt anyone had you saved her. Had you thought twice before you let her go to the roof…

Hearing the doors behind you open and then shut, you went dead silent, holding your breath. Without a word, you’d listened as someone sat beside you, a hand pressing against your back, rubbing it gently.

“Hey.”

Latula. Dammit, you should’ve known she would have followed you out. Pressing your lips together, you draw in a shaky breath.

Hesitating, you leaned forward a bit, the heels of your hands pressing against your eyes. You try desperately to calm yourself down, breathing in the cool air. You didn’t want to cry. This wasn’t your place to cry. You shouldn’t have the right to.

After a few minutes, you figure you’re calm enough to speak.

“So she’s being cremated?” you whisper softly, your voice unsure as you glance up at the girl beside you. She answers with a gentle laugh, a sad sound.

“Fire can’t kill a dragon, Kat, you know that.”

That was it. You felt as your eyes filled with tears, face contorting into an ugly expression that you hoped to god no one would ever see again. All at once, the last nerve that you’d tried to hard to keep strong had snapped. Letting out a sob, you press against her, face burying into your shoulder. Her arms wrap around you tightly, rubbing your back as she quietly shushed you, holding you close.

Holding you as she probably held Terezi when she played the strong big sister.

Her arms kept tight around you, occasionally telling you that it was gonna be okay, and that you could let it out. So you did. After a while, you began to calm down, eyes closed as you tried to relax.

“Are you alright, Karkat?”

You nod a bit, swallowing hard as you draw away from her, wiping at your eyes with your sleeve. “Yeah,” you murmur. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, gently ruffling at your hair. “You have _every_ right to be upset.” A sigh comes from your end, leaning away.

“We should go back in, Kar.”

You swallow again, nodding stiffly. “Right.” you murmur, pulling yourself to your feet. Offering a hand down to take Latula’s, you help her up. She murmurs a ‘thank you’, and this time it’s you leading her in.

Once you get into the building with her, the two of you notice everyone gathering in the main room. You helped Latula squeeze through to the front and you locate your seat from before. You sit down, Latula lowering down next to you. Before long, you hear a woman clear her throat, your attention moving to the front of the room again, where Mrs. Pyrope stood.

Everyone went silent. It was the first time that there’d been complete silence since you’d gotten here.

And you weren’t sure that you liked it.

After a moment, Mrs. Pyrope began to speak.

“Good evening, everyone. I’d... like to start by thanking all of you for coming. It means a lot to us.” She offered a glance to her husband, who nodded solemnly.

“As... As you all know, our daughter-- Terezi-- had an unfortunate accident that... took her life.”

You felt your stomach lurch, biting your lip. Hearing her talk like this, hearing the tears that she was fighting back, it was almost too much. She was strong, just like her daughters are--were--and you _knew_ Terezi took after her mother.

“It was completely unforeseen, a very tragic event took her life at such a young age, even after she had lived through so much in her life.” Terezi’s mother sniffled, wiping at her eyes. “W-We miss her very much and we will always love her with all of our hearts.”   
She pressed her lips together. “Before... Before I stop for the night, I would like to end with a quote by Rose Kennedy.” Clearing her throat, she paused to collect herself before she continued on.

“‘It has been said, “time heals all wounds.” I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.’” Her voice waves as she speaks, nodding a bit as she finishes off. “T-Thank you.” she whispered, turning and moving to her husband’s side, where she buried her face into his neck, arms closed around him.

Everyone in the room was trying to keep themselves together, a heavy solemn silence covering everything like a blanket. Beside you, Latula was sniffling, trying to keep her emotions in check. Turning to her, you wordlessly lace your arms around her in an attempt to comfort her. As she leaned closer to you, your eyes searched around the room. Clusters of mourners were gathered, comforting one another. Some people gathered by the casket, admiring the flowers, murmuring about how much Terezi would have liked the scents. It was then that you realized that you hadn’t just lost your girlfriend. They’d lost a friend, a family member, someone they had known their entire life, and you were the reason why.

 

It hadn’t been more than an hour or so before everyone had begun saying their goodbyes, wishing each other good luck and final apologies. You were among those who were doing such.

“You’re sure you have to go?”

“Yeah, I... didn’t get much sleep last night,” you admitted, “and I haven’t had anything to eat...”

“You can go out to dinner with us, Kat. You’re part of the family.”

You mash your lips together, frowning a bit. Latula  was fine, but you... could not bring yourself to face her parents.

“Maybe... Maybe another time, Latula,” you murmur. “I’ll keep in touch, alright? I _promise_ I’ll keep in touch.” you assure her. She sighs, looking as though she deflated slightly.

“Alright, Karkat. See you soon, then?” she murmurs, stepping forward, her arms wrapping around you. You manage a bit of a smile, hugging her gently in return. If you close your eyes, it almost feels like Terezi. Her hair smelled like hers always did, and her face pressed into your shoulder in much the same Terezi’s did when she hugged you. God you miss her.

“Yeah. I’ll see you soon, Te-- _Latula_.”

She freezes, stiff in your arms. Your hope that she hadn’t noticed is empty, but she relaxes and nods, letting go of you as you part yourself from her. Offering her a final half-smile, you take a step back, turning around.

“Bye.”

“Later, Kat.”

You walked out of the building, and you didn’t look back.

You couldn’t look back.

The ride home seemed to last so much less time. Knowing you had no where to be by no time in particular... Knowing that the only thing that would be waiting for you was _nothing_. Maybe, you’d figured, you would be able to relax now. You didn’t even hit any red lights. Or maybe you just ran them, you weren’t quite sure.

Of course, you didn’t realize that it was really getting dark until you parked and got out of your car. Sighing, you made your way to the front door, unlocking it before pushing your way in, heading up to your room to get changed.

Pulling off your suit, you’d laid it gently on your bed, making a grab for a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Running a hand through your hair, you look around your room once more before turning to go back downstairs. You look and feel like a mess, your hair is ruined, you’re tired and you _probably_ need to eat.

Instead of getting yourself food as you’d initially intended, though, you found yourself going toward the living room, letting yourself get relaxed into the couch. Reaching over, you grabbed at the remote control, flipping on the television. Set to the news as it had been for last week or so, you wait for a moment before switching the channel over; a small of relief washing over you as you found the news void of anything the Pyrope case.

The relief was brief as you found yourself thinking about her again. Closing your eyes, you let yourself sink back into the couch as you let out a sigh. You shouldn’t have left her. Breathing in shakily, you opened your eyes again.

But when you did, you weren’t at home on your couch. You weren’t warm and comfortable. You weren’t _sitting_. It took you a moment before you realized where you were, and your heart stopped.

Behind you was the door to the roof. In front of you was the stairs.

_A second chance._

Your mouth felt dry as you spun around, air thick and movements slow. Your hand is tight around the door handle as you turn it, shoving the heavy door open. Eyes searching the rooftop, they came to a rest at a small figure by the edge. A smudge that doesn’t look like her but that you know is. She’s stumbling, tripping, _falling_. You fall over your own feet as you cry out her name, running over to her. You think the sound dies in your throat, but her head turns towards you regardless. Her eyes are wide, afraid. She can’t see, but she’s afraid of falling, _dying_.

But you’d grabbed her wrist. You got a hold on her and yanked her back, eliciting a surprised yelp from her as you pull her close. Arms wrapped tight around her, and you bury your face into her hair, breathing in sharply.

_“Terezi.”_

The shorter girl buried her face into your chest. She was cold and stiff. You nearly _left_ her. Tears threatened form in your eyes as you choked back a sob. Her arms closed around you, pressing close.

“I knew you’d save me.” she whispers. “I _knew_ you wouldn’t leave me.” She leaned closer, sniffling. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

You felt yourself losing it, holding her tighter. You want to say something funny to cut the tension because it’s so thick it feels like it’s choking you. _You’ve never seen me_ , you want to say. _You can’t_. A joke to make it all better, say your unspoken apology for almost letting her crash.

“I’m so sorry, Tez.” you managed, palms flat against her back. “I’m so _sorry_.”

“I know.”

“I love you, Terezi. I love you so much.” you choked out, tears rolling down your cheeks. Her neck craned up to you and she smiled a bit, leaning up and pressing a kiss to corner of your mouth.

“I love you too, Karkat.”

Your arms tighten around her, leaning down slightly, your eyes closing as you pressed a kiss to her lips, and everything felt right.

Your lips connect, and your eyes open.

Your arms are limp at your sides, air pressing you into your couch, and your cheeks were wet with tears. Sitting up slightly, you wipe your face, glancing towards the clock. It was two in the morning; you’d been _asleep_ for at least five hours now... but it had seemed so _real_.

It had seemed so real, and you couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t carry the guilt like a weight on your shoulders. Standing up, you steady yourself before you attempt to walk forward, only slightly shaky as you go to pull your sneaks on. Grabbing your jacket from the hook by the door, you pull it on as you walk out, keys tight in your grip. You couldn’t deal with this anymore... So you’d solve your problems.

You had to talk to Latula.

It wasn’t hard to get there; you’d had to drive Terezi there a few times, and just because it was dark didn’t make it any harder. What made it hard was the fact that you were about to tell her that you’re the reason her baby sister is dead.

In a matter of minutes, you found yourself pulling into Latula’s driveway. The lights were on, and for some reason it didn’t surprise you. Stopping the car, you opened the door and got out, closing it as you shuffled to the house, knocking rather hesitantly at the door.

Listening close, you waited. Eventually you heard footsteps approach the door, and your eyes moved to it as it flung open. Your attention was then relocated to the ginger haired girl in the doorway, teal eyes puffy and red. At once, you could tell that she’d been crying again, and you almost pivot on your own heel to turn around and retreat back to your car; to drive back home and act like this hadn’t happened. There’s no point in making this worse; there’s no point in losing the only connection to Terezi that you had left.

But like so many times prior to this, her voice snapped you out of the idea.

“Karkat...? What’re you doing here?”

You’re quiet for a moment. Dammit, there’s no backing out now. Drawing in a shaky breath, you look up to her.

“Can… Can I come in?”

Latula’s eyebrows draw together for a moment before she nods. “Uh, yeah. Come on in.” Stepping backwards, she waved an arm out to the side, as if inviting you in. Glancing at her, you pause before complying, stepping into the house, looking towards her again.

“You wanna... go sit in the living room?” she offered. Giving her a nod in reply, she shoots a reassuring smile in your direction, motioning for you to follow her.

So you do.

Once the two of you got into the small room, she took a seat on one of the couches. As if you were thinking, you paused before lowering yourself into the couch opposite her. Your eyes trained on the carpeted floor beneath your feet, you were silent for a long time. Then you spoke.

“I should have been there.” Your eyes did not leave the ground as you spoke.

“...What?”

“With Terezi.”

“You... You _were_.”

“Not in time.”

The silence returned, painfully long as you leaned forward slightly, your elbows settling on your knees as you pressed your face into your hands slightly.

“I went to the apartment that night because I was worried.” You began to explain to her  everything about that night. How you drove to her apartment complex to check on her, only to find her drunk. How one thing led to another, and before you knew it, you were on the roof with her. How this was all your fault and you were so sorry. You told her how you left...

“I heard something _fall_.”

Everything in you kept you from looking up. You were afraid of how she’d look at you.

“So I... I went back up... and she was _gone_.” You draw in a shaky breath. “I didn’t... I didn’t _want_ to believe that she had... but I needed to check, and...” you trailed off, your face screwing up. After another moment, you heard the older girl finally speak up.

“...Did you see it happen?”

“...No.”

“Then there’s nothing you could have done.”

Your heart all but stopped. “But I--”

“It was _not_ your fault, Karkat. Do you hear me?”

You nod stiffly, swallowing hard.

“You would have never hurt Terezi.” _But you had._

Her words stung, but you knew them to be true. Drawing in a shaky breath, you nod again. It’s around this time when you hear the couch creak and you feel pressure on the cushion beside you, followed by a hand against your back.

“Don’t let me lose you too,” she whispered, arm tugging at you. Hesitantly, you lean against her, and for once you feel warm.

 

 

* * *

 

 

You made sure to visit Terezi’s grave as much as you could.

On this day in particular, it has been four months since she’d died, and you were walking to the place in the graveyard where her gravestone was. Usually when you visited, you were alone. It felt like you were just spending time with her, in a way. However, as you came up over the hill, you noticed a lump sitting by the gravesite.

Sitting cross legged in front of the marble stone engraved with Terezi’s name was a rather petite girl, her pale blonde hair falling down her back in wispy, unkempt curls, the tips dyed a fading cerulean color. She was still, even as you got closer.

And she didn’t speak until you were standing close behind her.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me...?” Her voice was flat, void of most emotion. You went still, pressing your lips together.

“I... figured that her parents-”

“Her parents _hate_ me, Vantas.”

The girl stood her her feet, whipping around to face you. Glaring at you, she stepped forward, her lips fit into what seemed to be a permanent scowl. “If anyone had been expected to tell me, it would have been you! And you _didn’t_!”

You drew back, frowning. “Vriska-”

“No! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I wasn’t _talking_ to _anyone_.”

She made a face. “That’s not an excuse! You didn’t even invite me to the fucking wake, karkat!”

“I almost didn’t even go!”

For a fleeting moment, she looked surprised, but it passed quickly. “Why the fuck didn’t you go to your own girlfriend’s wake, Vantas?!” she hissed.

“I said almost!” You assert in defense of yourself. She barked out a laugh.

“Almost?! Kind of like how Megido ‘almost’ survived that blast when we were 13?!”

You were quiet. “I _went_.”

She rolled her eyes. “The only reason I can even _think_ of for a guy not to go to his girlfriend’s god damn funeral is if he fuckin’ killed her.”

All at once, you fell quiet. Pressing your lips together, your gaze fell, and that’s when Vriska's jaw dropped.

“Holy shit.”

“I-It’s not...”

“You _killed_ her?!” Her voice rose in pitch, and she sounded more upset than she did angry, and you knew you’d have to recall the story you’d tried so desperately to forget over the course of four months.

“I w-went to check on her, an’... she was drunk.” you tried to start. “I was so worried, cuz we hadn’t talked in--”

“You two were in another fight.” she shot back. “I _know_. I’m-- I _was_ her _best friend_.”

Sighing, you run a hand through your hair. “I-I... she wanted to go to the roof, and I _brought_ her there.” Shit. “...and I got _angry_ and I left and she _fell_.” You felt tears in your eyes and wiped them away, suddenly reeling back as you felt a heavy impact against your chest.

“You idiot!” Vriska screamed. “You’re a fucking idiot!” You grabbed her wrists as she tried to punch you again.

“C-Cut it _out_ , Vriska, it’s not _helping_!”

“Bullshit!” she cried out, leaning into you. “It’s your fault she’s gone and it’s y-your fault I didn’t know!”

“I’m _sorry_!”

“Four months too late, Vantas!”

Suddenly she was collapsed against you, letting out a sob. A look of confusion crossed your face, arms wrapping around her.

“...I’m sorry.” you whispered. “...I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head, face burying into your shoulder. She felt warm and familiar and it didn’t feel right. Vriska was hard and would never hold onto you like this. Leaves crunch around you, some swirling up with the wind. Vriska doesn’t shiver, though you do when the sharp wind cuts through you.

  
You woke with a start, Terezi still sleeping beside you, her face pressed into your neck. The open window has wind screaming through it, and you shiver.


End file.
